Today I go to court
As I wake up in the morning, I sigh of disappointment that I have awoken yet again for another day. Today I'm off to court again. I'm not wanting to go but I know I gotta. I feel like my mind has taken over and I'm emotionless. My heart is ready to give up life but my mind constantly pushes me. As you can see, I'm always alone and who would think of me? Who do I matter to anyone. What does it matter? After all, I don't think anyone will notice that I'm missing for awhile. Who the hell is going to miss me? Besides my students not having their lessons.
At court I wait alone. This time this area seemed different. Huge. Cooperate. As I sit alone, I'm ready to cry again. My Barrister wouldn't arrive until 1030am anyways so I still had 30 minutes to find the court room and powder up myself. Then all of a sudden, someone sat beside me and seemed to be facing me. As I looked up, it was him. He was dressed up smartly and as usual I loved his shoes. I've missed him so much and have had battles with myself about him if he was real or true or not. I hadn't reply his msgs and haven't seen him for more than a week so he's decided to see me and check up on me knowing everything from my Barrister. In my heart, I felt calm again and happy but yet again my mind questions his action. I've never been cared for for real and the last person that showed me love was my grandmother. How would I be this lucky to have someone think of me and care for me? How can I be something special to anyone? I've always been left alone to everyone's convenience.
It then started raining. I haven't even looked at my schedule and the location of the place. He took charge as always and looked at my piece of paper. Then dragged me to meet my barrister. We had to go through the rain and somehow I had my luggage of things with me. There we found the court room and my barrister said that he had to do something and would meet me inside.
I needed to put these things in the car quickly so I left the 2 gentlemen.
As I came back, I was lost for abit. There were lots of people and the place was big. I didn't really paid attention to where I was going. I was more of wondering how he really felt about me. I finally found the room but no one was at sight. I started to panic and was ready to cry. I circled the outside of the court room and found no one.
Suddenly I heard my Barrister's voice starting my case. Again I started to panic. "Why did he start without me? Where is ****"
I quickly tried to push myself inside the court room. Scanned around but yet no ****. I didn't want to sit closely next to a stranger but decided I had to sit. I found a place and sat down feeling like my heart dropped. I guess I was imagining him again.
Behind me were a couple of asian children and they couldn't keep their hands off me. Their parents doesn't seem to bother about it. I wasn't in the mood for these nonsense so I got up and stood by the door. I was ready to tear up again when a familiar face walked in. It was him but in jeans and hooty. He was just shopping and decided to wear his new cloths. He looked at me as I looked at him. Who was going to go to whom? And yet again, my feet started moving 1st to his direction and my heart had a sense of relief as my mind kicks the shit out of itself for the actions of my heart. He got a seat and as I walked behind him............
ring!!.... ring!!
"hello?" ......
*sigh* That was my phone. School called and I couldn't make it. It was all a dream. And today is court day.
At court I wait alone. This time this area seemed different. Huge. Cooperate. As I sit alone, I'm ready to cry again. My Barrister wouldn't arrive until 1030am anyways so I still had 30 minutes to find the court room and powder up myself. Then all of a sudden, someone sat beside me and seemed to be facing me. As I looked up, it was him. He was dressed up smartly and as usual I loved his shoes. I've missed him so much and have had battles with myself about him if he was real or true or not. I hadn't reply his msgs and haven't seen him for more than a week so he's decided to see me and check up on me knowing everything from my Barrister. In my heart, I felt calm again and happy but yet again my mind questions his action. I've never been cared for for real and the last person that showed me love was my grandmother. How would I be this lucky to have someone think of me and care for me? How can I be something special to anyone? I've always been left alone to everyone's convenience.
It then started raining. I haven't even looked at my schedule and the location of the place. He took charge as always and looked at my piece of paper. Then dragged me to meet my barrister. We had to go through the rain and somehow I had my luggage of things with me. There we found the court room and my barrister said that he had to do something and would meet me inside.
I needed to put these things in the car quickly so I left the 2 gentlemen.
As I came back, I was lost for abit. There were lots of people and the place was big. I didn't really paid attention to where I was going. I was more of wondering how he really felt about me. I finally found the room but no one was at sight. I started to panic and was ready to cry. I circled the outside of the court room and found no one.
Suddenly I heard my Barrister's voice starting my case. Again I started to panic. "Why did he start without me? Where is ****"
I quickly tried to push myself inside the court room. Scanned around but yet no ****. I didn't want to sit closely next to a stranger but decided I had to sit. I found a place and sat down feeling like my heart dropped. I guess I was imagining him again.
Behind me were a couple of asian children and they couldn't keep their hands off me. Their parents doesn't seem to bother about it. I wasn't in the mood for these nonsense so I got up and stood by the door. I was ready to tear up again when a familiar face walked in. It was him but in jeans and hooty. He was just shopping and decided to wear his new cloths. He looked at me as I looked at him. Who was going to go to whom? And yet again, my feet started moving 1st to his direction and my heart had a sense of relief as my mind kicks the shit out of itself for the actions of my heart. He got a seat and as I walked behind him............
ring!!.... ring!!
"hello?" ......
*sigh* That was my phone. School called and I couldn't make it. It was all a dream. And today is court day.
posted by mya at 8:13 am
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