Pain--- a mess -- love
Been wanting to go home for ages because of that 1 person whom i adore. But somehow I had to stay back because my brother was coming here to study instead. Both my brothers and they were staying with me. I didn't know what to expect. But it wasn't going to be a pleasant trip thats for sure.
The 1st brother came. Didn't say a word and had his own room. Ignored me the whole time. My aunt thought i was being mean. But I told her that he just thought of himself. He even had his radio turned on really loud. So there was a little fight. Then after a few episodes, my 2nd brother came to stay with the same thing- making my life hell. I've already had enough of stress and this just adds up.
Walked around the neighborhood to relax. Then i started seeing eon cars.... proton cars about. I was in the suburb with dangerous people and there was a new building taken by a new company which so happened to be a malaysian car company. I felt excited. Not often you have something malaysian blossoming overseas. Surprisingly enough I saw uncle A and he was walking towards my house as if he knew my aunt as well. He said he's here with everyone else for business. I wondered what he meant by everyone else.
My whole family seemed to be here after my brothers arrived. And The house seemed bigger and cramp. Everyone was in the house so i opened the front door to find uncle A's wife, aunty J with a young lady (who was S's gf). And she said S(her 2nd son) was here as well. I was getting confused by the second but they rushed in and didn't say much. I just sat down at the front door wondering if this was a dream or that I'm just going crazy. Then there he was, S walking a small dog. He had his old coconut hair cut which looked weird. He had a smile on as if knowing what I'm going through. He looked like he knew this whole arrangement. As if he knew everyone was coming and as if he know about something which would be going on. We chatted for awhile then he showed me the house his parents have here. It was huge and 2 homeless was staying there. If stayed and leave as they please but S said they don't steal from them.
Felt like my brain was about to explode. This was just too much for me to handle. I walked back alone from S's place to find more people there. Feel like my place is turning into a free motel or something. To my shock this time it was R's family. And they were staying over as well. It seems that his parents and my parents knew each other. The whole house wasn't a pleasant sight thats for sure. I saw him from a distant but we knew our place. Missed him so and wished everyone else would just vanish but I had to keep my cool and lay low. Our parents doesn't know about us and if they knew it wouldn't be a pretty picture especially when they were all under the same roof.
His sister was sleeping in broad daylight with his youngest brother creating problems for her. The mother went to her bed which was japanese style in a cupboard with a 2nd bed/mattress on top of her like a double-decker bed and started giving her lecture. My mum was trying to reason with my brother to communicate with me and try to make peace with me after what i've told her and he was answering back trying to defend himself. Felt like leaving the place once more. I just wanted to get out from all the negativity.
In the kitchen it was quieter. Washed my hands. When i turned around, R was there standing there. He walked straight towards me to touch me and hug me. I returned his hug and wished we would never part. It was as if he couldn't wait to be with me but I knew it would be hard with our family together. At that time, our parents were in the living room talking.
We walked out the kitchen thinking of getting out of the house. But he couldn't seem to wait to tell me how much he loved me. He just sprung on me to kiss me right at the corridor. Aunt K saw us with another person and I was shocked. I wished there wasn't anyone around but we just had to leave the house NOW. I pushed him off and grabbed his arm while rushing to open the door. Could hear aunt K reporting about that and i felt like i knew what was coming. At the door R stopped me, looked me in the eye and whispered "everytime i kiss you and show how much i love and miss you you always seem to pull away". i felt like crying but just sad down at the steps and looked at him and he seemed to understand without me saying a word. "I can't stand being distant from you and I don't care if they know our relationship....", he said. Before he could say anything further, I shushed him and with my arms around him, kissed him wishing time would stop for us.
We both didn't know where else to go and there were more people coming over. Since my room was in front of the front door and the front door opened, we decided to get in my room from everyone. But unfortunately we were seen. The 2nd person who saw us in the living room was a cousin(i think it was his) and she got out of her seat looking at us.
In my room i closed the door with a deep *sigh* it was a long day for me. R took my arm and turned me around facing him putting his arms around him. I closed my eyes with a smile on my face and a tear trickled down my face out of happiness. All the noise of the house seemed to vanish and we just stood there for a moment not believing we were finally with each other after almost a year of enduring and longing. We didn't need to say anything to know how we felt. It was just unbelievable yet real. He then put my chin up facing his face. I was going to speak when he told me not to say a word... I realized he sensed i was trembling again and my lips was quivering. "I've missed you dearly and loved you ever so much.... you..." I didn't give him the chance to finish talking by kissing him. Then suddenly the door flew open without a knock (my door is hard to open with the belt thingy under the door to prevent smoke from coming in and the lock has always been broken so we didn't look the door). We parted pronto on the spot and looked shocked. Both our mothers were at the hall way looking at us with deadly eyes. "I'm dead", i thought. I was so scared i didn't know what to do. I just stood there frozen. R looked at me and just reached out and held me hand tightly telling me that he's there no matter what happens. That he won't leave me until this fight was over. It reminded me of what he said a few weeks ago. He said if it ever came to this, he'll be with me to the end of it just so that I'll be happy and get my happiness. I didn't believe him but today was different. I felt lucky to be with him but at the same time scared for him. It was the bravest, most touching thing anyone has done for me.
Our mother's were still outside my room just staring at us with disappointment and our siblings were outside were whispering and smiling to each other "they're in deep shit now...". His cousin who opened the door looked at us in guilt and kept quiet.
We walked out the room not knowing what to expect...........
The 1st brother came. Didn't say a word and had his own room. Ignored me the whole time. My aunt thought i was being mean. But I told her that he just thought of himself. He even had his radio turned on really loud. So there was a little fight. Then after a few episodes, my 2nd brother came to stay with the same thing- making my life hell. I've already had enough of stress and this just adds up.
Walked around the neighborhood to relax. Then i started seeing eon cars.... proton cars about. I was in the suburb with dangerous people and there was a new building taken by a new company which so happened to be a malaysian car company. I felt excited. Not often you have something malaysian blossoming overseas. Surprisingly enough I saw uncle A and he was walking towards my house as if he knew my aunt as well. He said he's here with everyone else for business. I wondered what he meant by everyone else.
My whole family seemed to be here after my brothers arrived. And The house seemed bigger and cramp. Everyone was in the house so i opened the front door to find uncle A's wife, aunty J with a young lady (who was S's gf). And she said S(her 2nd son) was here as well. I was getting confused by the second but they rushed in and didn't say much. I just sat down at the front door wondering if this was a dream or that I'm just going crazy. Then there he was, S walking a small dog. He had his old coconut hair cut which looked weird. He had a smile on as if knowing what I'm going through. He looked like he knew this whole arrangement. As if he knew everyone was coming and as if he know about something which would be going on. We chatted for awhile then he showed me the house his parents have here. It was huge and 2 homeless was staying there. If stayed and leave as they please but S said they don't steal from them.
Felt like my brain was about to explode. This was just too much for me to handle. I walked back alone from S's place to find more people there. Feel like my place is turning into a free motel or something. To my shock this time it was R's family. And they were staying over as well. It seems that his parents and my parents knew each other. The whole house wasn't a pleasant sight thats for sure. I saw him from a distant but we knew our place. Missed him so and wished everyone else would just vanish but I had to keep my cool and lay low. Our parents doesn't know about us and if they knew it wouldn't be a pretty picture especially when they were all under the same roof.
His sister was sleeping in broad daylight with his youngest brother creating problems for her. The mother went to her bed which was japanese style in a cupboard with a 2nd bed/mattress on top of her like a double-decker bed and started giving her lecture. My mum was trying to reason with my brother to communicate with me and try to make peace with me after what i've told her and he was answering back trying to defend himself. Felt like leaving the place once more. I just wanted to get out from all the negativity.
In the kitchen it was quieter. Washed my hands. When i turned around, R was there standing there. He walked straight towards me to touch me and hug me. I returned his hug and wished we would never part. It was as if he couldn't wait to be with me but I knew it would be hard with our family together. At that time, our parents were in the living room talking.
We walked out the kitchen thinking of getting out of the house. But he couldn't seem to wait to tell me how much he loved me. He just sprung on me to kiss me right at the corridor. Aunt K saw us with another person and I was shocked. I wished there wasn't anyone around but we just had to leave the house NOW. I pushed him off and grabbed his arm while rushing to open the door. Could hear aunt K reporting about that and i felt like i knew what was coming. At the door R stopped me, looked me in the eye and whispered "everytime i kiss you and show how much i love and miss you you always seem to pull away". i felt like crying but just sad down at the steps and looked at him and he seemed to understand without me saying a word. "I can't stand being distant from you and I don't care if they know our relationship....", he said. Before he could say anything further, I shushed him and with my arms around him, kissed him wishing time would stop for us.
We both didn't know where else to go and there were more people coming over. Since my room was in front of the front door and the front door opened, we decided to get in my room from everyone. But unfortunately we were seen. The 2nd person who saw us in the living room was a cousin(i think it was his) and she got out of her seat looking at us.
In my room i closed the door with a deep *sigh* it was a long day for me. R took my arm and turned me around facing him putting his arms around him. I closed my eyes with a smile on my face and a tear trickled down my face out of happiness. All the noise of the house seemed to vanish and we just stood there for a moment not believing we were finally with each other after almost a year of enduring and longing. We didn't need to say anything to know how we felt. It was just unbelievable yet real. He then put my chin up facing his face. I was going to speak when he told me not to say a word... I realized he sensed i was trembling again and my lips was quivering. "I've missed you dearly and loved you ever so much.... you..." I didn't give him the chance to finish talking by kissing him. Then suddenly the door flew open without a knock (my door is hard to open with the belt thingy under the door to prevent smoke from coming in and the lock has always been broken so we didn't look the door). We parted pronto on the spot and looked shocked. Both our mothers were at the hall way looking at us with deadly eyes. "I'm dead", i thought. I was so scared i didn't know what to do. I just stood there frozen. R looked at me and just reached out and held me hand tightly telling me that he's there no matter what happens. That he won't leave me until this fight was over. It reminded me of what he said a few weeks ago. He said if it ever came to this, he'll be with me to the end of it just so that I'll be happy and get my happiness. I didn't believe him but today was different. I felt lucky to be with him but at the same time scared for him. It was the bravest, most touching thing anyone has done for me.
Our mother's were still outside my room just staring at us with disappointment and our siblings were outside were whispering and smiling to each other "they're in deep shit now...". His cousin who opened the door looked at us in guilt and kept quiet.
We walked out the room not knowing what to expect...........
posted by mya at 10:12 am
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