back in kuching

Back in Kuching for holidays and driving to a place which is something like serian to find my friends. Feel kind of bored so decided to find my friends instead of staying home the whole 3 months. Drove up to surprise my friends to find out that they weren't there or it's an extremely busy period. So I went to the university there where i worked before to find my ex colleague but couldn't find them anywhere. So went back to find my car but there were too much renovation from the last time i was back that I find myself lost in the building and just couldn't find my car.
Started to panic coz there were a few query faces. Felt like i wasn't suppose to be there so i rushed around. I felt like crying. It was raya as well and was getting pretty late. I wanted to get out of this place coz i didn't know much people there and I still didn't have a number since i came back.
Turned around the corner of a building and bumped into R. Of all people of all places at all time. But I was glad to see him. He was happy to see me as well. He was with his friends and said his family is around somewhere. He said he'll help me look for my car at the same time we can spend time together. After all, he knew the place... he studies there.
We walked around and I felt happy to finally meet him. But somehow something was wrong. He seems to be happy I'm home but I felt like there was this distant feeling about this whole thing. Dunno if it's just me or it's true but at that time i just wanted to find my car and wanted to spend time with him. We finally found my car after quite some time and I asked him what his plan was. Told him to stay with me awhile and drive around to his car or something. So there we were in the car together again but he said he wanted me to drive. I decided i should after 1 year of not driving although i hate driving when I'm with him coz he always disturbs me about my driving. We talked but he didn't talk as much as he use to and he was always on his mobile. He looked worried as if there was something. I was just about to ask what it was when his phone rang. His mother was looking for him and asked him to fetch his other siblings so we did just that. Fetched his little sis and 2nd brother. I looked at him once more and i knew there was something that was bothering him but i didn't want to ask. I looked pretty scary and hurtful.
We reached outside where his mother was. His mother was outside waiting for them and had this scary look on her face (she always scared me). She looked at me straight into the eyes and gave a stare as if trying to figure out who i was then she gave a slight smile as if to thank me. They were all getting ready for raya and his mother was rushing them all to get ready for prayer and raya. So i just smiled and looked at my hands on the wheel. Felt like sleeping and not waking up at that moment.
R looked at me and i knew what he was going to say. I said, "nah.... not tonight. You guys look pretty busy and packed in there and parents would want me home. I'll see you soon". I left without saying another thing or hearing from him. I didn't want to feel disappointed and wish for more. I knew i loved him and i loved him so much that i couldn't stand this feeling when I'm apart from him. I know it will never work out for us in the end with our differences but this relationship is just not healthy. A few tears trickled down my checks. I didn't want him to see me depress and sad and crying again. I didn't want him to worry. I just didn't want to be negative and feel unhappy with him....
no....